AYESHA RASCOE, HOST:
Jesse del Ruth has been abandoned. His husband, Norman, who's six years older, has left him in the middle of the night, alone in their home out in the desert. No, Norman didn't quietly step out with another man or angrily pack a bag after a stinging argument. It was actually more dramatic. Norman vanished before Jesse's very eyes in a beam of otherworldly light.
STEVEN ROWLEY: (Reading) They stood there, eyes locked, 30 years of highs and lows, laughter and grievances, passion and apathy, three decades of life in between them. I'm sorry, Norman mouthed as he walked backward until he was bathed in it, spreading his arms like Christ. By the time Jesse reached him, Norman was rising, floating above him, just out of reach.
RASCOE: Norman has been pulled up to the sky by aliens. The next year finds Jesse in search of his husband and himself. That's a plot of Steven Rowley's new novel, "Take Me With You." He joins me now to talk about it. Thank you for being here.
ROWLEY: It's a pleasure to be with you.
RASCOE: So let's start with the obvious. Like, why aliens?
ROWLEY: (Laughter) It's not obvious? The premise of the book actually stems from - I don't want to say an argument, but a heated discussion that I had with my own husband, Byron Lane. And maybe it's similar to what other people argue about with their partners. I don't know. But if a UFO appeared over your backyard and a beam of light shone down, and you don't have time to pack, you don't have time to think, you don't have time to say goodbye - it's just instinct - do you go? Do you not go? And my husband was always in the camp of, he would go. And I'm like, wait a minute.
(LAUGHTER)
ROWLEY: Is our life not enough for you to stay? And that was really a jumping-off point. But when I thought about it, what I like about that question is that I think both answers are defendable. You know, I do think the purpose of life is exploration. So how could answers to the unknowable questions of the universe from an advanced species - how could that not be catnip? How could you not want to go? But my life as a writer has been about exploration here. How could I not stay?
RASCOE: That's kind of a key point in the book because this wasn't an abduction of Norman. He wasn't a hostage. He was a willing hitchhiker. Why was that willingness such an important detail?
ROWLEY: At the heart of every relationship, every marriage, for sure, you know, we choose to make this commitment to one another, and sometimes we have to make the hard choice to step apart. And maybe that's a permanent breakup. But sometimes in relationships, it's important to take steps apart to find your way back together. And I do think, you know, that that's maybe where Norman's head is at at the beginning of this novel.
After 30 years together, these two have found themselves stuck in a place. And I thought that was interesting to explore through a queer lens, where marriage equality - certainly when I came out in the early 1990s - didn't seem like something I would ever see in my lifetime. It felt impossibly far away. And I do always say marriage equality as opposed to gay marriage because it's not a separate institution. It's not a different set of rules, necessarily. It is just including more people.
RASCOE: Are we sure that it was aliens? Like, could it have been any other kind of disappearance or abduction that you think would have worked for this novel?
ROWLEY: (Laughter) Listen, I chose aliens because I love sort of the metaphor of this, you know, disappearing into a bright light, you know? When love is new - and there's so much written about new love, the romantic love, the meet-cute. This is a different kind of love story. This is about long-term love and about what love feels like when it feels like, you know, maybe a comfortable old sweater. It doesn't burn bright the way it does in the beginning. But to have this metaphor of a bright light that feels like new love, that feels like the way someone looks at you when they're first falling in love, and to be reminded of that, I think, is central to these two characters. We take so much for granted. It helps sometimes to look at them with fresh eyes.
RASCOE: And I mean, Jesse is a professor of humor writing. Talk to me about how he uses that to kind of help him process what has happened.
ROWLEY: Yeah, I'm putting myself on the couch here a little bit because I have taught humor writing. But I always think that humor is the way through. It certainly always has been for me. And I think in this bizarre situation, you know - and this humor in this book might be a little different than in my past books. You know, this is a little bit more humor of the absurd. You know, how do you go on when your partner has been abducted by aliens? How soon before people come knocking on your door looking for him? How soon before they think you had something to do with his disappearance? How could you possibly say or explain what you saw or what happened? Who would believe you?
RASCOE: Well, and you talked about how kind of the loose idea for this came from, like, a disagreement or a debate with your husband. How much of your own relationship with your husband did you put into this novel?
ROWLEY: (Laughter) Listen, he's a writer, too, so he understands - hopefully - and he has read the book, so I don't think we're headed towards divorce. But it's...
RASCOE: (Laughter)
ROWLEY: ...Wonderful details from real life. Yeah. No one panic about us.
RASCOE: No.
ROWLEY: This is not our marriage on the page. But are there some real-life details that make their way in? Sure, of course. It's those details that you can't make up that make a novel feel so textured and layered and lived in.
RASCOE: Both Jesse and Norman - they know that there are issues, but neither can confront them. And I think that often happens because you're afraid if you address the thing, that the union won't last, right? Obviously, they're forced to address the thing. But what do you ultimately want people to learn about love from Jesse and Norman?
ROWLEY: Yeah, I think - listen, this is not going to be groundbreaking, but communication is key. But I do think something else that's central to long-term relationships is, we wake up every morning deciding to stay, you know? In marriage, we make one set of vows at an altar, but it's a fresh set of vows every day. You're reaffirming that commitment to stay.
RASCOE: Yes, absolutely. I mean, that's what I always say, that the one thing I've learned is that love is a decision that you make over and over again, right (laughter)?
ROWLEY: I - listen, my husband makes it every time every time he sees how I load the dishwasher. I can see him making that decision again.
RASCOE: (Laughter) He makes the decision.
ROWLEY: Why am I staying? Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
RASCOE: Yes. That's Steven Rowley. His new book is "Take Me With You." Thanks again for talking with me.
ROWLEY: I've had so much fun. Thank you.
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